woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Randomize
