Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
