just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
