If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
We have so much sex to catch up on
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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