Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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