Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
