haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
ok first of all what the fuck
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
