She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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