Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
