Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
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