the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
