god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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