Got a toothbrush?
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
