Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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