I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
