i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
