when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
