tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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