glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
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