totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
