i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
