Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
