the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
