She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
