I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
