She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
