Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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