Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
