There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
