whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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