i was born a porn star she said
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
