we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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