Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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