I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Randomize
