dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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