Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
