everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
