it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
My vagina is very pro this idea
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
