Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
