This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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