im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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