I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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