im gay
i know
yea but for you.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
