you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
