Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Randomize
