Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
