i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
