well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
