she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
