Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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