That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
