Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
